Monday, August 30, 2004
- Advanced Mosquito Warfare!
Man sets house on fire trying to kill mosquito
Ananova.com - A Japanese man set his parents' house on fire as he tried to get rid of a mosquito.
Police say the property was gutted in the blaze caused by Tatsuo Onishi lighting a cigarette after spraying pesticide outside.
Sparks from his lighter caused an explosion after igniting the flammable particles in the air and flames quickly spread to the building in Matsuyama.
Mr Onishi had been taking a nap inside his car parked outside his home when the mosquito began to annoy him, reports the Mainichi Daily News website.
The 22-year-old attempted to exterminate the insect by spraying the area immediately outside the house.
He suffered minor burns to his face and neck in the incident. Nobody else was hurt.
One consolation for unlucky Tatsuo is that police believe the mosquito was killed in the fire.
nayko |2:41 AM
Sunday, August 29, 2004
- I conducted an informal survey on what people felt about the previous post, and preliminary results suggest:
Traumatised ---- 14%
Disturbed ---- 21%
"Severely" Disturbed ---- 66%
Cool ---- 0%
These figures bring about two startling conclusions.
1) Nobody appreciates good humour nowadays. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??!!
2) Seeing how the figures above don't add up to 100, the statistics are questionable. But its ok, I'm Chinese (refer to the latest Economist).
I've been doing quite a bit of reading on the side when work hits a lull and came across some articles on body language. You know, the key to nonverbal communication that is just as important as the spoken word, blablabla yaddayaddayadda. After extensive research I have come up with - you guessed it - plans on how I can perform Yatta! in my Old Navy briefs on the next occasion where I get to meet the President or Someone Very Important. No, seriously, I have come up with
My very own guide to body language
Female body language:
Brisk, erect walk ------------- Confidence
Smiling ------ Happy
Crying ----- Sad
Climbing mountain while smiling ------ Enjoys climbing mountains
Climbing mountain while crying ------ Does not enjoy climbing mountains
Pounces on men while naked ------ Horny
Says 'LOL' ----- Should be avoided at all costs
Screaming at top of lungs ------ Attention Seeking
Screaming "Rape!!" at top of lungs ------- a) Attention Seeking b) Being raped
TYPES IN CAPS ------ See "Says 'LOL'"
Holding knife, evil glint in eyes ------ Murderous
Holding knife, evil glint in eyes, laughing maniacally ----- Murderous and Psychotic
Thrusting knife into your body ------ Killing you
Thrusting knife into her body ----- Weird. Probably says 'LOL' too.
Still, unmoving. White pallor, signs of rigor mortis ------- Dead
Male body language:
Brisk, erect walk ---- Confident and Horny.
Smiling ----- Happy and Horny.
Crying ----- Sad and Horny.
Says 'LOL' ----- Should be avoided. Also, Horny.
Breathing ----- Horny.
Not Breathing ------ Dead, but horny.
Wears priestly vestments ----- Confused.
nayko |6:31 PM
Friday, August 20, 2004
- Weijie informs me that I posted the last entry 3 times for some reason. All I can say is, I must have been more helpful than I thought =)
Anyway, my purpose for posting today is simple. To ask all readers of the domain to check this site out:
Yatta
Basically, it comprises a bunch of Japanese men wearing fig-leaf underwear singing a ridiculously happy song accompanied with actions that even Mambo night hardcores would be hard pressed to imitate. This is seriously the best stuff ever. It gives me a buzz that lasts all day.
Everybody say Yatta!
nayko |6:18 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
- Life at work hasn't been particularly exciting. In fact, since I started work 2 weeks ago I've done nothing but the mundane. Let's see, on Monday I was preparing dinner place cards for some office function. Tuesday I was working on a policy review paper. Wednesday, can't really remember, was probably finishing up some report. Thursday I was folding program sheets for abovementioned office function. Then Friday I had to go to the silly function - some dinner with the President at the Istana (Malay for 'house with indoor golf course').
Ha ha! No, I'm not joking about Friday. What was happening, of course, was the presentation of the 2004 President's Scholarships, which, of course, my department happened to be involved in organizing. No prizes for guessing which lucky intern they decide to bring along to be an 'usher' (read: carrier of insanely heavy equipment).
So, at 10am in the morning, 10 hours before the event begins, there we are at the Istana, setting up the place for the dinner. So we had to stick labels on each of the chairs, according to the seating plan. According to Justin, this is very important because, apparently, Cabinet Ministers get cheesed off if they are put lower in the seating protocol than ambassadors. Or something like that. Silly ole politicians. So there I am, sticking the US ambassador's label on his chair, all the time fighting the urge to stick the French ambassador next to him. Fortunately for me (and the event I guess) my self-discipline prevails. Oh well. I'll try again next time.
So we're happily sticking labels in the State Room when suddenly this fat policeman-Secret Service dude comes into the room and says ok, for the next hour or so you can't leave this room without asking me first. It appears that the new Prime Minister is walking around the area and we're not to be seen. Geez. Talk about being progressive! Anyway this is welcomed (since it gives us a perfectly legitimate reason to skive on the job). In due course, we see this mass of bodyguards and mediamen pass by the room. And then our door opens, and in comes - the Bangladeshi cleaner whose just been shooed into our room. So PM Lee passes by our room and goes to assume his first day in office, while we sit like prisoners in the State Room. How fun.
The rest of the day is pretty uneventful - we're not allowed to go to many places since we all could be assassins or something so we just sit and admire the lovely furniture, making sure to keep our belongings off the silver cabinet-thingy in the pantry, which, as these burly security dudes tell us, is the Minister Mentor's private barbecue pit. Yeah, whatever. I bet the security guys were more afraid of us discovering their porn stash than actually damaging the thing.
So dinner time swings by, and I am given carpark duty. I offer to do valet parking for all the VIPs, but am flatly turned down due to concerns that I will accidentally run over an ambassador, which (apparently) isn't a good thing. So all I do is greet these VIPs as they get down from their cars which ooze wealth and usher them onto a bus. The only high point of this assignment is that I get to see what cars all these terribly important people drive, which is fun in its own way. Strangely enough, the American Embassy car is European (BMW) and the Japanese Embassy car is German (Merc) (I think). The Malaysian ambassador disappointly does not arrive in a Proton. And the Deputy Director of Airforce or something drives a really, REALLY nice Honda.
This being done, I go get dinner with all my funky colleagues. Unlike the terribly important people we don't have to make conversation with people we don't know, so we just eat and drink wine... lots of it. The best part is the after-party where our office takes back all the leftover wine and the men try to be helpful by finishing it (cannot waste, mah).
I am particularly helpful (at least, that's what I remember).
nayko |11:46 PM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
- For those who are feeling particularly bored:
Go google 'overpaid dictators'.
Entry no 3 is interesting =)
To find out how to bump it up, click here.
nayko |2:43 AM
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
- This summer, I have made the glorious transition from being a lazy stay-at-home boy to being a responsible, mature, adult. This is obviously true, because I have started interning at PSC, which, as we all know, is an incredibly responsible, mature and adult thing to do. I get into office wear at the crack of dawn and grappling with my work ahead till the sun sets. Compare this to my halcyon days of the past, when I would get up at the ass-crack of dawn and work at grappling myself out of bed only when the sun set.
It has indeed been a marvellous metamorphosis. In order that others might benefit from my experience, I have compiled a
Top 10 useful hints for surviving the office
1. You will regret succumbing to the temptation to staple all your files together.
2. Get a cubicle that has your back to the wall.
3. Never smoke in a petrol station.
4. Alt and Tab are your best friends.
5. Come to think of it, so is coffee.
6. And diarrhoea (emergencies only).
7. All your base are belong to us you have no chance to survive make your time.
8. Keep your soundblasters on LOW volume!
9. To get past Lab 32 in Chrono Trigger, catch the rat by pushing 'B' to dash.
10. Never chew on bits of broken glass.
There! Now let future generations benefit from my knowledge.
nayko |12:26 AM